[[ Stickman & Stickbabe ]]

we're just two simple stickpeople who :-
met,
clicked,
hitched,
till death do us part...


[[ All I want in 2007... ]]

Seeing loved ones happy
Mission trips
Have a cute baby
Learn bridal makeup
Speak Camb/Viet
Pay off our housing loan!


[[ Leaving? ]]

~C-Cup : cupcakes from heaven... (perfect 4 parties)
~My Bali Photo Blog
~Melonbabe (my female sibling)
~Angelia (a kid i tutored, who grew up!)
~WZB (a woman with an expensive rock)
~Get Blobbed... (splish splash plop blobbe)
~My Primary School Classmate
~My pescatarian recipe blog
~Simplicity - making a difference in Kenya
~A visually delightful blog of a stranger
~Another visual treat...
Been read free hit counters by free-counters.net times!

Tuesday, May 30, 2006
Life for the past five days has been a roller coaster ride of physical and emotional pain. Triggers were aplenty. I cannot for the life imagine why I would be so upset over the Korean period drama - which featured a sickly pregnant concubine. Or worse, upset with Stickman for watching it, and not realising that it could trigger me off.

So life has been hell for him as well, much to my satisfaction. It must sound rather selfish, but I find that the loss of a child (or in this case, embryo) means so much more to the woman because it happens inside your body. Like it or not, you feel it, not your man. And when it dies, it doesn't just expires quietly, but makes sure that everytime, you're reminded of that loss when you visit the toilet. For the following days, you dread going to the toilet to see that patch of red mass.

And when people ask if you're well, what are you really supposed to reply? I say I'm not well, and a deluge of questions will continue. Possibly they'll get worried and distressed. I say I'm well then.

In reality, I'm living quite well - consuming bird's nest and chicken essence for breakfast everyday. I lie down quite a lot. I don't have to do housework. People buy meals for me. Stickman cooks and boils longan water for me. Yes, I am living quite well. I only do not get my way with my job - which I'm going to ditch anyway, because knowing my condition, they still want me back at work this week. Probably it's a confrontation waiting to happen. Probably they feel that I'm taking too much time off for school and then, this pregnancy thinggy. This is the major trigger point, I feel, in getting me upset. Otherwise, I'm living quite well.

But the degenerate embryo has left a void. It's an embryo-sized void, a tiny abyss. Enough to consume my attention when I let it. Maybe it'll close up in time to come. Perhaps it'll only heal when something replaces it. I really don't know. What if it opens to another, and another?

I dread trying again.



stickbabe [ 1:52 AM ]